Some (super mundane) updates

Some things I will probably ramble about here and there – a warning in advance:

I am going vegan after being vegetarian for 20 years. It’s a process, but I’m figuring it out.

Also I’m trying to do health-related shit this year I’ve been putting off forever. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow I am 1000000% dreading but I’m going to go because I feel like I should.

I told the doctor at the first time I met her that I should probably see someone related to my anorexic thought processes that I’ve mostly conquered on my own but which still affect aspects of my life. She referred me to an ED clinic and they’ve tried calling me 4 times now but I haven’t answered yet. The first two times I didn’t know it was them, I thought it was just a random number. The second two times I had them added into my caller ID and I just. Couldn’t pick up.

I really appreciate they tried so many times to contact me. I’m trying to tell myself to contact them back.

That is one of my low-level goals going forward.

Anyway, I have the anorexia-related posts I wrote years ago but never posted online. You may see those at some point here, too.

UGH.

Taking care of my health is the worst.

I hate going to doctors. I like doctors as people. I respect their profession. I just super hate spending all this time on my health ugh ugh ugh what a waste

But I know it isn’t actually a waste so I’m making myself push forward on things I kept putting off for years and years. It doesn’t become less important by ignoring it for years; it only becomes more.

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Seriously considering doing an assessment or walk-in to a program that helps with eating disorders. I no longer need help getting anorexia under control in terms of starving myself, but now I’ve run into the problem of not knowing how to safely lose weight to feel healthier and happier, without resorting to the means I used before, and without letting myself go beyond an actually healthy level.

I’ve only gotten professional help one time, and even then it wasn’t actually about the ED. I was talking about other things but realized in that session that maybe I did have a problem. But that was a very brief experience in college, and after that I dealt with everything completely alone. Part of me thinks I would fail if I asked for help, but the larger part of me knows it shows more strength to know when you need help and ask for it than it does to isolate yourself unnecessarily.

This is the reason I post about things like this on and off, because publicly saying I might do a thing makes me more likely to do it or at least not just pass it off immediately in my mind. And there may be other people who read this who are going through the same thoughts, and seeing this may not feel alone.