I have this thing where the more I want to do something, the less I allow myself to do it. Why? What even is the point of that sort of self-sabotage? It’s usually really innocuous things, too, like – I want to read this manga series, or, I want to write a story, or, I want to play Sims, or, I want to watch a movie. Where is the disconnect in my mind between that interest and my decision? Why is it that I have seemingly given myself a strict allowance of how much mundane satisfaction and happiness I’m allowed per week or day or month, or whatever other arbitrary designation I have apparently set without telling myself? I genuinely don’t understand why my brain does this, but it’s very frustrating.
So anyway. Lately I’ve allowed myself to play Sims for the first time in 3 years. There’s that.